Lost In My Mess

We boarded together, am still sailing

You’re not.

This dashboard full of memories, everything still there

You’re not.

Wish I had recorded your voice,

Talking to your hanky, full of embroidery, would have been easier.

Wish I had looked at you longer when you departed,

Drawing you now would have been easier.

Even now I see us singing in my living room,

Just more of solos, duets are few.

It’s cold outside, inside too,

Silly me, like an idiot am still waiting for you.

This guitar, I’m playing,

You always wanted to hear.

Playing your favourite songs now,

But hell you’re not there.

Nothing has changed,

Just the smoke replaced my loneliness.

Even this cigarette has been a bitch, playing hide and seek,

Vindicating the deed of my past, I’m lost in my mess.

Upto something meaningless yet maddening

Moments that melted, yet iced forever,
Few things(that kohl liner) that made memories forever,
Few ways closed, yet opened forever,
Few books i will keep in my library till the time i will grow old,
Few songs that would always be there in my mail,
Few tee-shirts which i wear and go to sleep,
Few pick-up lines which i'll never use again,
Few places i would love to go alone.
Few things i have missed here, few millions maybe....

Saw this little angel in KFC was lucky enough to capture her in my Cam

Ek Sawal

Ek panchi tha, gaata tha wo
Ghar basane ki zid thi usmain, sabko yahi batata tha wo..

Umeddon ka izaafaa hua, li udaan usne
Gira zaameen pe khake chot, kisne maari goli use yea jaana kisne

Hain hum bhi us panchi ki tarah,
Tadptey hain hum bhi.
Ek zid hain hum sabki, batate hain hum bhi,
Chot bhi lagti hai, aur girtey hain us tarah.

Puchun ek sawal yahan,
Dil tute jahan, kya sangeet hain wahan
Hai agar sach yea to har koi sangeetkar yahan,
Kyunki dil lagane ki tarab se tutne ka gum hai jayada wahan..

Hide and Seek

We were together,
walking through the woods, holding hands...
I was thinking we were going on a junket
till the time you left suddenly
while we were playing hide-n-seek,
I still go there through the same road,
to the same place and start the game again, but alone this time
Hoping to find you behind some Tree

हम कहाँ खो गए

एक शाम आइ थी,
लाई गम, खुशियाँ भी,
की गुफ्तगू हमने, पता चला,
थी रुसवा वो भी,
खुशियाँ अब क्या लेते,
थोड़ा गम बाँट लिया.

फ़िर आई रात,
लाई नींद, बेचैनी भी,
की गुफ्तगू हमने, पता चला,
थी बेचैन वो भी,
नींद अब क्या लेते,
थोड़ी बेचैनी बाँट ली.

सुबह आई खिलखिलती,
लाई ताज़गी, नींद भी,
की गुफ्तगू हमने, पता चला,
थी थकावट उसे भी,
ताज़गी अब क्या लेते,
ली नींद और सो गए.

और तुम कहती हो हम खुश नहीं रहते,
जागते हैं रात भर,
दिनभर सोए रहते हैं,
करो गुफ्तगू हमसे कभी,
तुम्हें पता चलेगा,
की हम कहाँ खो गए.

Yun hi..

Kab tak jagun yun hi...
thaki si aankhen aab bhi karti hain tera intezaar.

Pata hai tum nahi aaogay...
jaise diye ki batti se dhuan kho jata hai shayad tum kho gae ho kahin.

Aab chal pada hun ek talash main...
Shayad us talash ki aarzo Zindagi hai

Hosh khoya kuch es tarah ki hosh thikane aa gae...
Aankhn khuli to Nasha tha, aasun the aur kuch purani tasveeren

Yea rastey bhi kuch khoye khoye, akele se...
Shayad yahin kahin kisi mod pe maine tumhen kho diya

Aur aab tumhari koi khabar nahi...
Na khabar un aasuon ki, tasveeron ki...

Jab tak tum dastak na do...
Shayad tab tak main jagun, yun hi.

And the scream was whisper to you

Intentional resentments and lovely blames is what I cherish now,
Exhausted glances turned the rainbow dark, but I crawled.


Pathless boat tearing apart the colossal tides, such a beautiful irony it is,
I will crash someday with an island, warmed with your memories.


A homeless Lama looking for Nirvana was born.
Slipped from the canyon, his fancies tottered.
Love was Nirvana and I was the Lama.


Neither the sun shone again nor my house got painted,
Guitar never felt the fingers, Records never got played…


I tried, I cried… I ran, I screamed.
Maybe my memories were ample and yours were few
This might explain why the scream was whisper to you…..

My dilemma at 2 am

Is this my emptiness or am i really out of cigarettes,
Asleep is the watchman outside and the inmates inside...

Part of me staring the moon and another part musing about you,
Coffee on the stove, Guitar in hand and few drops of water that the rain threw...

Numbness is what I fight through with a glass of wine,
Paying for your smile here I play this song under the stars that dimly shine...

Is this the hour of need or just my misery or just a theme of greed?
Appears the pain from the cloud, where you vanished, and hunts me till i bleed...

Shall i go out in the woods or wait near the highway,
Or just shuffle your pics in my cam says My Dilemma at 2 am...

Metro Diaries-1

“Jahangirpuri ki aur jaane wali metro platform number 1 pe aa rahi hai” Echoed into my ears like god’s prophecy and I rushed towards the metro like a hungry lion towards his pray.

Finally when I managed to get in I looked around for some Red & White award waiting for me inside but sadly there were none.

Sweating, Smelling and all the bad adjectives starting with S my state was awful, I looked around with a desperate face saying please-give-me-a-place-or-else-i-will-shit but couldn’t find any.

“Wanna sit? I don’t wanna anyways” said a guy.

Well this guy, somewhere around 22-23, was looking fucking sad with a bunch of red roses in his hand.

“No thanks” I replied with all the self-respect I could gather but then the guy sitting next to him left and I almost threw my bag first so that no one else could sit there.

Got cozy, again smiled slightly on my achievement.

After sometime, as I was not having my ear plugs and playing song loudly in metro is a “dandaniya apradh”, I thought of starting a conversation with the same guy.

“Hi man I’m Abhishek, I work in TCS” I said stretching my hands towards him for a handshake.

He slowly turned his face towards me and said “Hi, Arnab”.

He didn’t shake hand and I took my hand back and ruffled my hair, like I always do whenever a chick refused such situation, but hell this time it was a guy. I cursed god for such situation.

I was flummoxed to see tears in his eyes.

I’m aware of the fact that I can make children cry with just a look of mine but he was a 20+ yrs old guy so I asked him “What’s the deal man? Are you fine?”

“Nothing much, just left my heart two station back” saying that he again looked away with tears slowly trickling down his face.

“Ahh just another break up, chill mahn.. watch some porn and you will be fine” I said trying to crack some humor

“I can hit you so hard that you will feel the pain for the rest of your incarnations” he replied with a serious face.

I was taken aback and realized it’s not just another break up, then gathered all strength and asked “ I might be a stranger but you can share your pain with me, ignore what I said earlier, you will feel good. Do vent out your frustration”.

“It’s a long story, leave it” He said.

Don’t know what bro feelings I got but I suddenly caught him by his hand and got down at Saket Metro Station and said “See now we have all the time.”

“Are you f@#king crazy?” he said, all irritated.

Somehow I convinced him and took him to the nearest CCD and ordered two coffee of my choice (cheapest one in the menu).

“Yea say” I said with a very attentive face.

“What the f*&k man, what’s the problem with you, are you gay or what?” He said, almost shouting.

“No, nothing like that, not gay seriously” I said showing him some pictures of mine, with girls, in my phone.

“Common now, tell me. You will feel good” I begged.

“Hmm.. ohkk. Not sure but it was somewhere around 3 months back when I met this girl Avantika and then….” He said as Coffee interrupted us.

“Can u hold your horses till the time I will have some sips of coffee” He said

“Yea yea fine with me” I replied and tried to see here and there, acting as if I wasn’t interested but deep inside I was cursing the Coffee idea.

And then after some sips he started again…………………

My last cigarette

A simple poem struck into my mind

Into my mind, as I finished my last cigarette.



Fell for your fallacious smile, was vicious enough for this love pumping heart

Thought I, as I finished my last cigarette.



Metaphorically you’re like an Iron removing the stubborn creases from my life

Like a cute testimony I wrote as I finished my last cigarette.



Like a short dream of your siesta which you forget when you wake up

Like a breeze ruffling your hair, I proved my inconspicuous presence

And I smiled on my stupidity as I finished my last cigarette.



Eschewed these feelings to touch your hands and show you the way while walking together

Killing this whim for a nose fight with you I capitulated to my silly though soothing last cigarette

Wanna go back from where we started

Its a different post this time, a small love story infact.
Like every love-story, it started with a magic.
Naena proposed Max(who lacked balls to do the most beautiful thing).
Max was cupid-struck, infact after sometime the 'cupid' used to take occasional dose from him.
Naena was disturbed when they fall into this relationship. She was just over with her ex, who was making her life hell.
Max made her laugh, pulled her out of the deadly depressions and most importantly cried with her.
There were times when Naena used to cut the phone saying "Its a break-up and i'm not meant for a relationship". But Max like a perfect pet waited for her to come back, everytime. And she came, almost everytime.
Few months passed, Max felt his world perfect though Naena was still confused if she was in love or not.
One fine day Max was just about to give his final semester Viva and was shocked to find that Naena actually likes someone else and will wait for him forever. He was one of her close friend.
Lets call him Gobardhan.
The only thing Max said in that Viva was "Sorry Sir, not in a state to give the viva, one of my close uncle died" (the uncle was really pretty close to him. It was his heart).
Some thousand million times he broke inside.
He asked Naena just one thing " Do you really love me?"
To which she said "I'm bit confused if i'm in love or not".
Somehow later that evening Naena finally figured out that she is in love and Max, with no remorse, took her back, instantly.
Max went to meet Naena, mind it- it was a long distance relationship.
They spent good time together.
Few months passed and there was a break up again.
And this time it was Max who did it.
Reason? Simple Max was at home and Naena called him and told him that she's kidnapped and asked him to save her.
Max lost something from his ass into his own boxers. It was freaky. Max called his uncle who was in police and asked for help. His uncle in turn called the Delhi Police Commissioner for a help.
In the meanwhile Naena called Max to tell her that she was joking and she wanted to test Max. Test that if it really bothers him if she gets kidnapped in real.
Max cut the phone, he called his uncle to tell him that it was a prank(who in turn never saw his face again and stamped Max as the most irresponsible guy under the known universe.)
And then he broke up.
Few months passed he got his call from the company in which he was placed.
While his training was going on, Naena called one fine day. She was drunk like a fish. That freaked out Max as he could hear some weird voices in the back ground.
He was afraid, he thought someone doped Naena and trying to rape her.
Max called every damn friend of Naena and asked them to reach her. Shit Happens Max thought.
Looking at her condition Max took Naena back. It's nothing like he did that in charity, but he still loved her.
Few months passed again.
To cut the distance short Max got himself transferred to the city where Naena lived.
He faced many problem settling down in a totally new place but it was nothing compared to the joy of meeting Naena every weekends.
Months passed and one fine day Max found that Naena cheated on him for Gobhardhan.
Max asked Naena but she never confessed. And having no options left Max broke up again. His heart was baked dry.. it was black now.. he could never see it coming.. it was a blow to him.. a question to his love.. a never ending regret.
It all ended.
Naena tried million ways to come back but it wasn't the same Max now. He was changed. He knew nothing about love. He was shaken inside out. He used to cry alone and think if it was his own limitation that made Naena to cheat on him.
But he never got the answer. Never.
And one day Max decided to pardon Naena and he texted her.
Naena abused Max, she regretted about the whole relationship, every single moment that she spent with him.
Max got the redemption of his love.
It was not the thousand "Fuck Off" and "Never-Fucking-call-me-back-ever" that hurt him when Naena texted him back but it was the "regret" which Naena showed, broke Max into a little more thousand million pieces.
Max smiled, switched off his phone and slowly murmured to himself "May she find someone better, God bless her".....
And with that the love story ended... it ended in a ugly end.
Max always wanted to go back from where they started, all those stupid idiotic talks ,which they used to do all night. He wanted to get bankrupt paying his phone bill just to call Naena all day and night.
But he could never. Never........
P.s. All characters appearing in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Something abut LOVE and its side effects.

L.O.V.E= a four letter word found in suck-ster dictionary
Synonym= SHIT, SUCK, PAIN.
Myth about love= Love existed from the very beginning, when the universe was freshly baked and was out of the oven.
Those who believe in above MYTH are bunch of sucker!
Actually initially human beings were having 2 sets of everything: legs, hand and stuffs (you know what I mean).
But then few Greek gods freaked out and thought we would become more powerful than them even though we had no fucking supernatural powers!
Then nutty Zews sent powerful scissors-sharp bolts to separate us into guys and girls. Now obviously they were attracted to each other and were inter dependent to fuck. So this way the love came into existence, making us weaker.
Then slowly came some suck ass directors like Yash Chopra and Karan Johar (both of them faggot) who took the myth totally from one level to another level.
Movies like “Mohabbaten”, “Hum aapke hain kaun” etc. started getting national/film fare awards. I still don’t understand how movies with pretty predictable and shitty story lines plus 50 songs each can brag awards. But yea “SHIT HAPPENS”.
Actors and actresses like Ranbir and Aishwarya are our role model. They along with these faggot directors teach us how to love no matter how many partners they change in real life.
Speaking about first love:
No such SHIT really exists. Most of us are floored by its feeling. We start listening to music which otherwise are pretty lame. The effect of first love varies and it can be measured by the kind of music we are listening. Listening to himesh being the last stage
Stages of love:
Stage 1:
Guy sees the Girl. Scan her in and out. For many nights he’s troubled by weird/dirty dreams about this girl, which he re-frames in a much beautiful way and tells to his friends. Being preached by his equally lame friends the guy confirms that he’s in love and ‘suck’cessfully clears the first stage.

Stage 2:
Second stage is the most time consuming process. Here the guy tries his best to stalk on the girl in all the methods present under the known universe.
Stage 2 includes cute things like keeping the chick’s used napkin (no matter how dirtily it’s used by her), following her from school/college to home (not realizing there are millions others like him), paying all her bills (proving himself a perfect pet and a parasite on his family).
If the account of the money spent on one chick, while in love, is taken one would realize that he can do 10some with the same amount of money plus no strings attached (emotional attyachar).
But finally he spends the highest amount of money, compared to other guys spending for her in the competition, and wins the girl (not realizing how badly he lost in real life)
Paying his phone bills as well as hers, paying for every cup of coffee or every piece of meal , showing her each and every corner of the city no matter how much humiliation he faces asking money from friends for buying the gas.
So this way he finally he gets an access to the girl’s bedroom. Here stage 2 ends.


Stage 3:
Lots and lots of sex.

By the time Stage 3 ends the guy being a dog by creation gets tired from the girl.
Now if the girl is also tired sweet break up takes place, if she needs more fuck ugly break up takes place.
In case of ugly break ups guy saves money. Its the money-return phase of the relationship. He stops hanging out with friends or roaming around in a fear of getting caught by her miserable girl friend.
Love is attached with many other ugly factors which actually break the person down.
One of them is being CHEATING.
What I think cheating should be done only in exam not in relationship.
Once cheated, the guy/girl are left shaken for the rest of their life, they hence-forth become very insecure making a mess for their next relationship. Hence making life hell for others. Its a chain process basically.
Now all these complexity is caused basically due to the 4 letter ugly word called “LOVE”

So just fuck around and stay healthy rather than falling into one of the most ugliest/black-holic/darkest complexity of life caused because of the most awesome feeling in this world popularly known as LOVE.

Such was my wish…..

Cycling at the speed of your bus, my lungs would have burst …..
Tell the driver to slow down, such was my wish.

Wanted your help in my homework…..
Tell god to make me lil’ dumb, such was my wish.

Couldn’t help staring at you even during the daily prayers…..
Tell ma’am to not to punish me everyday, such was my wish.

School ended so as college, u had so many boy friends.....
I were one of those guys, such was my wish.

The day you left town, i chased your train with my second hand bike.....
You should have preferred the lower birth, such was my wish.

You hardly have any idea how much i love you.....
You should have read this poem someday, such was my wish.