Tuesday, May 25, 2010

And The "Chand Ka Tukda" moved out


A Hot Summer night perspired my last source of entertainment, the model cum air-hostess cum hottest girl in our colony( the biggest source of testosterone supplements at unearthly hours for most of the males around) moved out...
Now when i dig into the past, i still remember the 1st time i saw her, the day when she moved in.
5'6 long, face glowing so bright and vivid that even the sun took a break that day and we had a solar eclipse!
Slipped in a hot pant(ending way before her knees) and a noodle strap top terminating just above her navel she was vibrating my stuff, my heart i mean.
She moved in into the same flat which was deserted by the demon(our landlord) some months before, now she made it heaven in her own angelicious ways.
Love was in air, i came out of my flat and observed her moves, like a fly following the scent of love.
Suddenly everything was perfect, even the annoying itch suddenly vanished. I was ready to share everything, the failure and success, the happiness and sadness, the simple hugs and tender kisses...
As soon as she entered her flat, i rushed into the kitchen and inquired that if mom has cooked something nice, in a literal stroke of luck i found some "butter chicken"(an Indian chicken recipe), cooked last week, in the fridge.
I threw it inside the microwave and in 5 mins it was ready.
Dressed in the best outfit i can, with the freshly cooked "butter chicken" on my hands, i knocked the door.
Now when even after 5th knock there was no answer, i turned back and was about to go suddenly my pervert lady luck shined again... the door opened slowly, and i turned back with a 440 volt smile, almost touching ear to ear!!
The figure which i saw almost dried the blood out of my heart, 6'5 inches, not at all a human anatomy, with all muscle at right place, protruding from where ever is should be. It was teasing my bottle shaped body!
I cursed myself at that very instant, had never thought that luck may not always personify into a lady, the personification can also be into a Beelzebub like this.
Out of confusion and fear first i thought of dancing and entertaining him but somehow I restrained myself and waited for his brawny punch on my face.
"Hi!! I'm Radhika and perhaps you're our new neighbor" said the same frothy faced girl, appearing out of the shadow of the demon.
"Our?! wtf, am just your neighbor not his" i thought.
"Yea hi!! i'm Abhishek u can call me Abhi" i replied, trying my best to avoid the cousin of Khali.
"Please come in and have a seat" she said in her sweetest voice pointing towards the floor","We haven't unpacked till now so only have two chairs out, its OK i'll take the floor, you and Pinky take the chairs" she continued.
"Who's Pinky" i asked, turning my head 360 degrees around,eagerly waiting to see another dishy face.
"Oops i thought u guys just met, he's Pinky my bf" she said looking towards the ogre.
I Almost got a heart attack! Catching up my breath i thought how harmless the name Pinky is, how admiringly he would watch me and Radhika making love, but all my thoughts were crushed when Pinky suddenly approached towards me. I almost pooped in my pants, but he stopped just a feet away from me.
"Hey watz this dude!" he said, with a very heavy voice complimenting his physic, looking towards the dish.
I almost wanted to dodge him and hand over the dish to Radhika, like a Rug-bee game, but thought of the consequences if got caught, he would surely pull the skeleton out of my body in one drag.
"Its Butter-Chicken, homemade, you being new here mom made specially for you" i said with a smile.
"Hey thanks, but am veggie, though Pinky would love to eat it" Radhika replied.
"Yes man, i would love to..." saying Pinky almost snatched the dish.
I was very happy that the food was a week old and how i wished Pinky dying of food poisoning.
Then we had some casual conversation regarding novels, i was surprised to find that me and Radhika shared the same favorite authors, Pinky being a regular Champak (Hindi one) reader kept quite, later i found that he had even subscribed for it.
Days passed slowly i realized how awesome is Radhika on bed, i mean her moaning were so high that i could hear it sleeping in my bedroom. But never mind atleast this way i could fantasize her way better than other people in our building.
But slowly Radhika was loosing the luster from her face, she was approaching towards a negative figure from the zero one, dark circles under her eyes, no more glowing skin, no more long hairs,she was getting bald, even a break-up from Pinky, hardly people saw her out of her flat.
She wasn't even able to walk the day she moved out.
"Hey so where you going?" I asked her.
"Yea going to my mom's place" she replied, trying hard to keep a smile on her face.
She hugged me and gave me a peck, she wasn't attractive anymore still the kiss turned my world upside down, and then she left in a taxi. That is the last sight of her in my mind.
Days after Radhika left I met Pinky in a Mall. Asked her about Radhika and suddenly the giant started crying like a baby.
"What happened man why are you crying?" i asked, with the same confusion and fear in my mind.
"Radhika was having cancer, that's why she dumped me, now she lives in u.s. with her parents, living the last few months of her life" he replied and ran away from there like a girl freshly dumped from her boy friend.
I was quiet, went home, cried whole night, cursed myself that why couldn't i understand that she was not well.
But yea that's life, that's how it works, nothing like the way we think or plan...
Alas... the Chand Ka Tukda moved out but she left some cute and pervert memories within all of us.

Monday, May 24, 2010

1 Day @ Crosswords



Ok finally I finished writing this story, and thanks to my friends, teacher and even my dog that they never really cared to inspire me to write something like this, but I think I owe this piece of crap to my friend Cyrus(roll no. 33), who’s actually the protagonist of this story.
2nd January, 9:30 am.
Champaklal shouted: “guys ec results are out, checkout the notice board.”
Today Champaklal was loaded with 10 teaspoon of oil and formals, as he was expecting to top and he’d have to tell the teacher that how he busted his bums to top the university.
I tried to see my marks but all ready nerds of our class, were buzzing around the notice board as if some Pamela Anderson photo was posted”
Suddenly someone shouted: “you at 60% and Cyrus got 2 backs”. I don’t know whether he was showing his sympathy or humiliating me. Anyway screw him who cares!!!!!
Cyrus as usually having his happy nap instead of attending class.
I called him…..
me: “abey our results are out”
Cyrus: “so”??
Me: “man you have got 2 backs and me at 60”
Cyrus: “sounds cool better than last time”
and he hung up
I went to his room to give him my part of sympathy.
Knock knock . He opened the door with a grin.
I thought for a moment that was this guy going nuts or was the result a serious shock to him. My mood was off and on top of that this guy was grinning, probably that’s made me shout at him and try the useless effort to encourage him. Finally I convinced him to buy a self-improvement book. Then I started off for home to tell my parents the bad news.
Me : “ok bye man, I have to leave”
And that bugger didn’t even care to wish me bye. Never mind.
Alas!!! With no hard feelings I left.
Same day 7:30 pm:
Cyrus reached Crossword (a bookshop) to buy an inspiring book.
He checked out some books and finally selected one; he turned that book to see its price.
It was tagged Rs 450. He checked out his pocket and found some 200 rs and some change, a used toothpick, an old paper napkin, a button etc etc.
“Excuse me do u have discount on this book” asked Cyrus to the shopkeeper.
“No sir, not on this book, it’s a best seller”
“Ok then show me some self-improvement book that have discount on it” asked Cyrus.
I mean common how many of you first see the price of the book then buy it!!!!. But that was Cyrus and u don’t expect too much from him.
Now lays the quirk.
A good looking girl with some of her ugly friends entered the book shop.
Cyrus who was busy in finding the cheapest self-improvement book suddenly turned back n saw that girl.
His stuff starting pumping harder, I mean his heart off course ;). Completely mesmerized by her beauty he came in the line of sight of that girl that even the girl noticed him staring.
Like a good pet Cyrus followed that girl.
Suddenly the girl took a book and sat down to read it.
Now Cyrus too picked up some random book, sat down just opposite to the girl.

“ Hey hiee!!!” greeted the girl.
Cyrus, always low on confidence, turned back to assure himself that the girl was addressing to him only.
“ Yea”? Said Cyrus.
“ u seem to have pretty good taste of books, can u help my buy some good books” asked the pretty girl.
“ yea sure y not” replied Cyrus casually, were infact he was desperate for such an opportunity.
After going through some books and chatting, the girl said “ buddy I am afraid I have to leave, can I have ur contact number” ?
Cyrus puked out all the number he knew through which he could be contacted.
“ Bye”said the girl.
“ yea bye. Hope to see you around sometime.” said Cyrus.
“Excuse me sir” !!!!, “sir excuse me” (now in a louder voice) !!! said the shop keeper.
“ humm…y..yea…what happened” replied Cyrus wiping out the drooling saliva from his face.
“ Sir I think u were dozing off, we are about to close the store so had to wake u up”.
Replied the shop kepper.
“ No..err…actually I was in a deep thought about this book” Cyrus tried to defend.
“ yes sir we don’t see much people around who actually snore when they think” said the shop keeper.
“ so can I pack this book up for you”? continued the shop keeper.
“ wait a min do u have ny more books from the same author” enquired Cyrus.
“ people hardly buy more of these books, so we don’t have much variety on them, and yes we might have had discount on them” said the shop keeper mockingly.
Finally Cyrus actually saw the title of the book on which he was giving a deep thoughts for the past few hours. The book was titled “ the art of love making”
Now totally embarrassed he cursed himself why he said all those stuff like deep thoughts and all to the shop keeper which might have sounded like shit to him.
He wanted to vanish from there, but unable to do so he said some other time and left the shop.
So this was how he spent his time in the book shop.
He didn’t get the gal, buy a single god-damn book.
But never mind he had a cozy nap and a sweet dream that will keep him charged for the coming semester!!!!!!

You’re even beautiful than my mumma’s Fairytale.



There in that purple sky the angel lives,
So vivid and dazzling that even the stars glow with the light she gives.

You are the princess of the castle I make in the air,
Ubiquitous you are, here there everywhere.

No more dreaming of u,
As it leaves me crying throughout the noon.
Coz in the dawn,
You leave me and vamoose with the moon.

The big black eyes,
Outlined in kohl looks through eyes into my soul.
My heart bruised,
When the first time on your lips I saw that mole.

“Stop musing too much about me” you often say,
But when those tears roll down your cheeks, I can’t just pray.

I know you ain’t here with me,
Still together we amble up hill and down dale.
Now see what I realized when I sketched you last time,
That you’re even beautiful than my mama’s fairytale..

P.S. THE SKETCH IS MADE BY THE WRITER HIMSELF :)

My Lazy Ruminations




My restless nights, My whimsical dreams...
You lingering around the magnificent beams....

I chased you to stars, I chased you to moon...
My only complain,you're leaving so soon...

you were shopping with your dad, buying some lemons...
i wanted to buzz ya but ur father is a demon!!!

Can't chase your bus, My cycle is so glitchy
your best friend knows i love u, but even she's so bitchy...


I'll buy you some candies, you buy my fascination...
am struck in your eyes, struck in my lazy ruminations

Pehla nasha (My first school crush)


Time, date & location:
10:30 am,14/10/2002,class 10 b….
Scene1 :I am standing on bench, social science class going on,
Mr. Gorbode (s.s. teacher) dealing with me….
Sir: Tell me Abhishek does ur father works in bank?
Me (bit hesitatingly): No sir he’s in Army, fighting on border(said loud and proudly)
Suresh (shouting from the last bench): No sir, he is lying sir!!!....his father works in bank.
Bastard…..that was Suresh my “bestest” enemy in class whom I tried killing 3 times but damn!!!! He escaped….
Sir: yes I knew!!!.....i knew that!!!! My theory can never go wrong (almost feeling like einstien)….
Me: but sir Rahul’s (class topper) father also works in bank.
Sir: Shut up!!! U spoilt brat, don’t compare urself with Rahul….now watch how he answers my every question…
Now some nerdy question-answer sessions was goin on between rahul and sir…me hardly interested was staring out side…

( Entry of heroine)…

What I saw was unbelievable…..a new face….5 4’, fairy white…..staring at me and giggling (then I realized I was standing on bench)
I Gave her a embarrassed smile….
Thud!!!!!........suddenly a chalk struck my face (later rahul told me it was chalk no. 10)…
Sir: u r such a shameless boy…y r u staring outside????
Me: sir actually I am the SUPERMAN,I have to save the world…..saying that I ran out of the class….
Perhaps knowing about the girl was more important…
Gobardhan(of A section) told me that the new girl was Aisha, Princi’s daughter, she is a new admission in their section
and she’s proposed him for a date(pheku saala!!!!)
She being prici’s daughter made it much simpler for me….as Mr.Gorbode had already fixed my appointment with princi
the same day in the afternoon…


Time 2:30 pm, same day, princi’s office…

Gorbode 2 princi: sir he’s the most spoilt brat of my class,
do punish him severely.. And he left farting….he had this bad habit of loudly farting publicly…n that’s how he got his nick name “FARTING BUDDHA”…
Princi: Do u have any explanation Mr. Abhishek..????
Me: Sir did ur daughter left her last school and got admission in ours???
Princi(puzzled): wat???
Me: sir being student of your school Its my foremost duty to guide your daughter…
Sir I can arrange her rahul’s notes…as he doesn’t talk with girls I have to be the medium(feeling like honoured soldier)
Princi: Shut up…I haven’t seen a shameless boy like u…call your father tomorrow.
Me: Sir he can’t come as he’s a soldier and he’s fighting on border (again saying proudly)
Princi: Mr. Abhishek you are restricted for 1month…now u can leave.
Just as I was leaving….
Me: sir can I ask u one last thing??
Princi(eagerly expecting my apologies)….: wat??
Me: sir I am good at t.v. repairing…Infact we never call mechanic at home….so in any case your t.v. goes wrong…
Don’t hesitate to call me sir….free service sir (just another hope to see his daughter)
Prince: just get the hell out of here.
Ok now when I joined school after 1 month I realized
Aisha was Rahul’s gf…gorbode sir had got piles so he was no longer coming school…..
And finally suresh died of cow bite….
Alas……..ended badly……but that was how my first School crush : ) ( :