What is Freedom?

Through the eyes of this eagle, perhaps, I am a captive of this society. 

It flew,with its wings wide open, to fill the whole sky within.

At times mocking at me and my helplessness, it flew.

Almost waiting for two hours to capture a single good click of the bird, I was about to give up.

That's how we are, we give up.

The eagle on the other hand patiently flew through all layers of the sky looking for food.

It never gave up, it flew.

Smiling at me, it approached little closer to help me capture a clear picture.

In return I was obliged. I thanked. I made a promise that I shall never give up.

Like the eagle, I shall too feel the freedom, I shall too fly!

Guess that's freedom?

अनकही

मैनें पल जुटा के रखे की कह सकूँ वो ...

वो जो मेरे इशारे ना बयां कर सके

वो जो मैं किसी मुलाक़ात मैं ना कह सका

वो जो मैं कहना चाहता था जब तुम मुझसे
अनकही पूछती

वो जो कोई और कह गया
मेरा पल चुरा गया

A Small Talk

I said: It's infinite,

She asked: What?

I said: The horizon I mean.

(But I wanted to say: My love for you.)

...Long silence...

She replied: My love for you is infinite too and you're such a nerd.

कुछ हाल ऐसा है

सोए हूए आँखों से नींद चुराना,
बीते हूए लम्हों से पल चुराना
आदत थी तुम्हारी,आदत ही रहेगी,
अच्छे भले इंसान से चैन चुराना

काँच पे बारिश की बूँदों का सफ़र देखो,
ना थमती ना रुकती
छूटे हुए यादों पे कैसे बसर करते हैं देखो,
याद कर जिन्हें भर जाए आँखें तो
ना थमती ना रुकती

कुछ हाल ऐसा है

New Office, New Team but Old Me.

So finally its Bombay eh?!

Also called as City of dreams, City of drama and now a City of a day sleeper –Me.

I’m responsible for so many things now. Like responsible for being irresponsible by not waking up early and missing office bus daily. I have become used to it and weird enough I like doing it.

Somehow that’s how my day starts.

In Bombay aka Mumbai aka Bumbae (whatever it is, I’m gonna use Bombay henceforth) everybody is shit busy. It took me so many days to realize that.  Infact I have heard people pray to not to meet any relative while going to work as it might just waste their time.

Even the beggar at the signal was busier than me during my first few days here; I mean he wouldn’t waste more than few seconds near one car if he won’t sense a benevolent person inside.

So unlike a regular IT team my team is not boring, and I being the youngest chap in the team surely gets pampered by them. Infact they have gotten me a new nick name “lover boy” (I am still confused why?), I know it’s cheesy but trust me its way better than ‘play boy’ or even ‘life buoy’ for that matter.

Apart from my team I made some new friends too, from other department. Few of them are really cute. So far my make-friends-and-be-nice-to-them motto is really going good.

After coming from Delhi I miss Metro the most. I think no transportation system in Bombay can beat it. Because apart from few buses (which have pretty low frequency), none of the transport system has AC inside. Not to mention Bombay local, perhaps it’s the only life threat I have it here.  I mean I find it pretty risky hanging from the door like a monkey. And by the time I reach home I smell like mixed sweat evaporated from so many people with whom I travel. But surprisingly I have like doing it. I meet so many strangers on my way home who travel with me at the same time like every day. There is a subtle care that we have for each other now. We ask each other about their well being and stuffs like that. So if an old man is asking you the reason behind your tensed face, am sure you will vent out stuff much easily and all your work frustration would just vanish.

It’s lovely that my blog opens here in my office computer but looks like there are so many issues pending on me and I can’t just keep writing this stuff now so will continue with some more interesting stuffs in my next post.

लो जी आए हैं

उम्र के हर कगार पर सपने सी आए हैं 
कुछ खो चले
कुछ पर पाओं रख उड आएँ हैं 

कहीं ठोकरे खाई,कहीं मारी
कभी बचपना तो कभी मासूमियत खो आएँ हैं 

कहीं प्यार करना सीखा ,
कहीं उन्हें खोता खुद को रोता हुआ देखा 
हमेशा के लिए कुछ नहीं होता
ज़िंदगी से ये सबक सीखते हुए आएँ हैं  

कहीं दिल खोल कर रख दिया 
कहीं बेजुबान रह गए 
ज़िंदगी के हर रंग को 
लो जी आए हैं

दिल ढूँढ़ता है फर वही

"तेरे बिना जिंदगी से कोई शिकवा तो नहीं,

तेरे बिना जिंदगी भी लेकिन जिंदगी तो नहीं "

This is not just some post break up ranting. There are few lines, by Gulzar Sahab, to which i can totally relate myself.

So i have started with the above two lines.

We get used to things, the sadness, the loneliness and the fact that a person would certainly never come back into your life again. We don't complain after a certain point of time.

But at times the places, those songs and few stuff can actually fuck your otherwise get-used-to-the-sad-life. And you go back to the same old state.

"दो नैनो मैं 

आसूं भरे हैं 

निंदिया कैसे समाए"

So how does sleep slip in when your eyes are wet. Walking down the memory lane when you see all those sweet things like the first bill of the restro where you hogged food or the coffee dates. Nostalgia hits you right between your pants. Things go blank. Life seems hopeless. But you get used to it.

"जाने कैसे बीतेंगी ये बरसातें
मांगे हुए दिन, मांगे हुए रातें "

When those rainy nights, when you used share texts like "Hey its raining, it reminds me of you", are gone then the only thing left is the water pouring down and causing nuisance throughout the city, blocking vehicles and fucking metro service.

This is how the rainy days can matter to you.

So no more text sharing and no more stretching your hands out of your balcony to feel the rain happens.

Its just plain rain that happens.

"अपनी तनहाई का औरों से ना शिकवा करना

तुम अकेले ही नहीं हों , सभी अकेले हैं "

So yea i might not be the only one who is lonely,

who has stopped being funny, 

who has stopped reacting to little amusing things in life, 

who passes his time by packing and unpacking clothes in the suitcase,

who has banned few songs, 

who has stopped going to few places, stopped meeting people, hardly looks to the mirror anymore,

who has stopped thinking to grow up old with someone, 

who has found a new friend called cigarette and who has finally got used to such life.

There are many others.

So this little post is dedicated to all those other miserable people like me.

Enjoy! 

एक छोटी सी गुफ़्तुगू

इन वादियों से गुज़रते हुए हवाओं का हाल पूछा मैने |

पड़ोसी देश से आई है, संदेशा लाई है कहने ||

कहने लगी वहाँ एक मासूम सी लड़की नवाज़ पढ़ रही है |

नीली सी आँखें, पर्वतों पॅ टिकी , कुछ कहानी कह रही है ||

 गोले-बारूद , बंधुकों के चलने का शोर है |

ह्स के कहा उसने, ये तो सरहद के दोनो और हैं ||

पहियों को डंडों से मारते हुए बचों को खेलते हुए देखा |

बूढ़ी सी औरत को चूल्‍हे पे रोटी बनाते हुए देखा ||

एक माँ को हाथों से अपने बच्चे को खिलते हुए देखा |

एक पिता को अपने बच्चे को स्कूल ले जाते हुए देखा ||

मस्जिद देखा , मंदिर देखा |

लोगों को बुरखे और हिजाब मैं तो कहीं सारी और बिंदियों मैं देखा ||

आसचार्य इस बात का था की उन्हें अलग करती है एक कम्बक़्त सी रेखा....

एक दिन ना होंगी फसलें, ना गोले-बारूद और ना बंधुकों का शोर होगा |

अमन और शांति होगी,

फिर हम साथ हँसे और कहा- "हां ये सरहद के दोनो और होगा" ||

P.S.- Finally broke my extreme forbearance towards writing and have pen down something random that came into my mind, as usual at midnight when i always start writing, i hope you like this little effort.

Sunday Brunch!

So the day actually started at 11 am for me, grabbed my roomie's i-pod and put some random songs,
To make the situation worse the first song that played was Yellow(by coldplay), i waited it to finish. Then took the news paper, read it back to back and saw the time, it was 11:30. Damn the time was moving pretty slow. So i grabbed my lazy arse now, went to bedroom and woke up everyone.
Now suddenly Satyarth(one of my roomie) suggested a plan. The plan was to cook Chicken.
This was a good idea!
So we started from home to bring chicken and other stuffs that was required.
I dared not to enter the Chicken Shop as it would surely make me leave non-veg again for days.
Then we went to a Super Market to buy some Masalas!
There i saw these marshmallows and that reminded me of something, actually someone. So i took my phone and grabbed all my guts and texted.
And then the worst part happened, waiting, waiting for the reply.
After turning gloomy i came home.
Trying to divert my attention i opened the system, went to tools, clicked "show hidden folder". But somehow it didn't work too..
So i went straight to kitchen and saw that the chicken was already prepared.
And after literally devouring it and passing chains of Burrps i thought of updating something out here in blog. So sum total it wasn't really a bad sunday!

Clueless Evening

Main sahi samajh k jo bhi kahun, tum kehti ho galat ~RockStar~

Now this line perfectly suck up to my situation.

Kheaer chhoro yea saab, aab to saans lena bhi ek aadat ho gae hai!

Let me not talk about what happened to me from morning to afternoon today(or yesterday to be very specific), it will again depress you.
There was one funny incidence that happened today, or say close to funny.
It was our ( me and my roomates) discussion on History.
So we dicussed about mesolethic, neolethic and blablalethic ages, must say the day i find the person who coined these terms, he'll be hung by his balls. But i think he's already hung somewhere.
Stone Age, Copper Age, Iron Age or Golden Age(which apparently doesn't exist) totally fucked my already disturbed mind. Basically there was more sex during those ages than now, that's all i learned. But i feel sex must have been a petty topic back then as it was easier to get laid then.

homo sapien 1 : dude! lets go hunt after u are done making love.
homo sapien 2 : Oh dawg! Hunting is more cool yo! Love making can be done anytime.

Above situations must be very common then.

Then i read some 30-40 pages about Harappa Civilization. Nevertheless it was boring too.
They had some awesome Sanitary System, reading which i left my dinner. There was this big swimming pool kinda thing called "Great Bath" where the whole Harappan population used to get naked and bath together, must be an arousing sight.
I wish i could start something similar to that in my society too sigh!

Human made Wheel during the same time. I think gilli danda would have started then too. Running after tyre with stick in hand would have been a sport then.
Winner will take home some cool designer robe made out of animals' skin.
There would be no tension of work, no monday blues, chicks not fucking their brain about what they are supposed to wear in the evening, you can't do much to your naked body. They are all the same.

So yea all these discussions really made me laugh and my mood got lighter.

But tomorrow such discussion might not happen, i will again miss something or say someone. Some habits are tough to go, and if the habit is a person the situation gets pathetic.

Ek Ajnaabi Duniya hai yea

Khoya hai kya, jab paya kuch nahi.
Badi choti si duniya hai yea, milengay ek din.
Us din tak, hogi meri koi khabar nahi.

Mera dard nasoor ho jaega, hogi tujhe koi khabar nahi.
Meri galtiyon ka hisab maine rakh liya.
Tujhe teri galtiyon ka hisab dene wala koi hoga nahi.

Main kush hun tanhan, mera koi dost nahi.
Dekha jae to tu bhi roti hogi tanha kahin,
Soch k dekh mere siva tera bhi koi dost nahi.

En pariyon ki kahani main, koi sach nahi aur koi jhoot nahi.
Tujhe pasand hai kuch aaese log,
Jinhen aaesi duniya se kuch lena dena nahi.

Main yun hi likhta reh jaunga, kyunki aab raaton main mujhe sona nahi.
Ek Ajnaabi Duniya hai yea, jaan liya kuch pal tak tune mujhe.
Aab hum phir anjaan hai, kuch giley jarror hain par shikwa nahi.

Badi Udasi Hai

Badi udasi hai aur yea muskurana ek jhoot

Hai kahin tu, khush aur anjaan,

Ek sukun hai aab tujhe bhulane main.

Neend ka ek tukda deja,

Badi taang hai yea khamoshi.

Mehfil hai yahan, har haath main ek haath,

Bandish main hai mere haath, badi taang hai yea maayusi.

Bada ajeeb hai tera shehar,

Bhula k har gum, ek raang main baandh jaata hai.

Meri uljhan pe hasta hai, rota hun main to barasta hai,

Taang karta hai tera yea sheher.

Kuch kafhiley gujartey hai roj,

Aankhon k zariyea, enhen log aasun kehtey hain.

Aab kaun kare faisla mere liye,

Har katron ka hisab kiya hai, le jaana kabhi.....

And before the night falls, i get back to you, all three of you...

Lost In My Mess

We boarded together, am still sailing

You’re not.

This dashboard full of memories, everything still there

You’re not.

Wish I had recorded your voice,

Talking to your hanky, full of embroidery, would have been easier.

Wish I had looked at you longer when you departed,

Drawing you now would have been easier.

Even now I see us singing in my living room,

Just more of solos, duets are few.

It’s cold outside, inside too,

Silly me, like an idiot am still waiting for you.

This guitar, I’m playing,

You always wanted to hear.

Playing your favourite songs now,

But hell you’re not there.

Nothing has changed,

Just the smoke replaced my loneliness.

Even this cigarette has been a bitch, playing hide and seek,

Vindicating the deed of my past, I’m lost in my mess.

Upto something meaningless yet maddening

Moments that melted, yet iced forever,
Few things(that kohl liner) that made memories forever,
Few ways closed, yet opened forever,
Few books i will keep in my library till the time i will grow old,
Few songs that would always be there in my mail,
Few tee-shirts which i wear and go to sleep,
Few pick-up lines which i'll never use again,
Few places i would love to go alone.
Few things i have missed here, few millions maybe....

Saw this little angel in KFC was lucky enough to capture her in my Cam

Ek Sawal

Ek panchi tha, gaata tha wo
Ghar basane ki zid thi usmain, sabko yahi batata tha wo..

Umeddon ka izaafaa hua, li udaan usne
Gira zaameen pe khake chot, kisne maari goli use yea jaana kisne

Hain hum bhi us panchi ki tarah,
Tadptey hain hum bhi.
Ek zid hain hum sabki, batate hain hum bhi,
Chot bhi lagti hai, aur girtey hain us tarah.

Puchun ek sawal yahan,
Dil tute jahan, kya sangeet hain wahan
Hai agar sach yea to har koi sangeetkar yahan,
Kyunki dil lagane ki tarab se tutne ka gum hai jayada wahan..

Hide and Seek

We were together,
walking through the woods, holding hands...
I was thinking we were going on a junket
till the time you left suddenly
while we were playing hide-n-seek,
I still go there through the same road,
to the same place and start the game again, but alone this time
Hoping to find you behind some Tree

हम कहाँ खो गए

एक शाम आइ थी,
लाई गम, खुशियाँ भी,
की गुफ्तगू हमने, पता चला,
थी रुसवा वो भी,
खुशियाँ अब क्या लेते,
थोड़ा गम बाँट लिया.

फ़िर आई रात,
लाई नींद, बेचैनी भी,
की गुफ्तगू हमने, पता चला,
थी बेचैन वो भी,
नींद अब क्या लेते,
थोड़ी बेचैनी बाँट ली.

सुबह आई खिलखिलती,
लाई ताज़गी, नींद भी,
की गुफ्तगू हमने, पता चला,
थी थकावट उसे भी,
ताज़गी अब क्या लेते,
ली नींद और सो गए.

और तुम कहती हो हम खुश नहीं रहते,
जागते हैं रात भर,
दिनभर सोए रहते हैं,
करो गुफ्तगू हमसे कभी,
तुम्हें पता चलेगा,
की हम कहाँ खो गए.

Yun hi..

Kab tak jagun yun hi...
thaki si aankhen aab bhi karti hain tera intezaar.

Pata hai tum nahi aaogay...
jaise diye ki batti se dhuan kho jata hai shayad tum kho gae ho kahin.

Aab chal pada hun ek talash main...
Shayad us talash ki aarzo Zindagi hai

Hosh khoya kuch es tarah ki hosh thikane aa gae...
Aankhn khuli to Nasha tha, aasun the aur kuch purani tasveeren

Yea rastey bhi kuch khoye khoye, akele se...
Shayad yahin kahin kisi mod pe maine tumhen kho diya

Aur aab tumhari koi khabar nahi...
Na khabar un aasuon ki, tasveeron ki...

Jab tak tum dastak na do...
Shayad tab tak main jagun, yun hi.